Dressed up in Nixi Killick and Melissa Shoes, I feel like a colourful rainbow cyborg on a futuristic adventure. Will I dream of electric flamingos now?

Yes, I think I will, and of so much more, all in the brightest colours. I’ve never been a party girl, but I know very well how to look like one no matter where I go. I believe in making every moment exciting, and dressing up is one of my tricks to do so. People ask me at the supermarket where I go. I answer, “Home with my bananas and potatoes?” and they look back like I just told them that oranges are, in fact, ultraviolet through my cyborg-eyes.

It’s a long time since there was anywhere to go, but I don’t think the time to give up looking spectacular should ever come. Because remember: What was the fun about the events and parties? I say it was thinking about what to wear, making plans of a spectacular appearance and turn heads. Well, supermarket, you’re my place for that now! I’m not such a good dancer anyway, and it’s easier to hide than here than in a club.

Ok, I wish they’d improve the music in supermarkets; I’d really appreciate glam rock and electro instead of elevator sounds and chirping birds. Who else is in? Imagine how it would change the setting and give people the feeling that there is suddenly more fun in their lives. Yes, it would include some fights about different song tastes, but I guess we could all agree it’s better than the elevator atmosphere.

Till that happens I take my whole rainbow home with my bananas, hope it made a few people smile and continue to dream of my electric flamingos.

My Outfit
Dress: Nixi Killick, Shoes: Melissa, Coat: Canadian Classics,
Earrings: Tukadu, Sunglasses: Sun Buddies

Pictures: Marco Borromeo

Do you ever feel completely quite on the outside but there is a wild storm raging in your heart at the same time? A storm that doesn’t understand how reality and what you wished for could have drifted so far apart?

When you feel like that your heart doesn’t let you sleep. It keeps you up pondering why even if you dedicate all your energy to work on what stings you like a thorn, you’re still in a cold dark place. All you want is to scream out loud, refusing to accept that you can’t do anything but look for another dream. But your silly, sweet little heart doesn’t want to stop fightings invincible giants and never gave up believing in fairy tales. How difficult life can be!

I am a very stubborn girl: I know what I want, and I follow that path without looking left or right. I am like that in every means. When I buy a chair, and the perfect one is only available on another continent, I make happen that it gets to me even if people tell me it’s impossible. If I love, I love, and there is no but and why and other possibilities. It’s a gift, but a curse as well.

At the moment, maybe more curse than a gift. I stand on my terrace too often, feeling like a short-haired version of Rapunzel asking myself where the dreams I was hoping to live has led me. Loneliness makes my heart go cold, paired with a feeling of being abandoned.

Storm, oh storm, why don’t you calm down and show me the sun? I’ve been fighting a lot, I was strong, and I outdid myself on patience I didn’t know I could bring up, but now you made your point. Please let me get warm, let me laugh and spread all that excitement locked inside.

My Outfit
Dress: Do-Nuts Honey, Earrings: Tukadu, Shoes: A Gift

Pictures: Betty Heart

Once upon a time, there was a pink-haired mermaid who loved her golden Swarovski shells. Her eyes were green, blue and grey, depending on water’s colour reflecting in them.

She played games with the fishes and got tickled by the seaweed, and her laugher was heard like the sound of clear, beautiful bells underwater. The mermaid loved life in the big sea since she could hide in the mysterious dark depths while she was dreaming of songs unsung to attract her true love. She was not afraid of anything in the sea, not even huge fishes, wild sharks, and eager fishermen, but her one and only fear was to never find the place she was meant to be. Never hold the hand she was supposed to hold.

As soon as the sun went out and the water got darker, melancholy was appearing in her big eyes. She longed for swimming in company so very much. At the same time, her head was full of stubbornness to give in for any company, but the one her heart truly desired. Her eyes filled with tears. When mermaids cry, nobody knows, since their tears just become a part of the sea. Sometimes she wondered if the whole sea was actually made of mermaid tears and nothing else.

The mermaid kept on singing, night after night, hoping that one day she might be heard. Her golden shells were the most beautiful ones, and she hoped the right one would see how they reflected in her eyes, and it would fill his heart with delight. But the life of a mermaid was not easy. Where was a mermaid supposed to look for her look in the endless ocean? She turned stones, checked behind huge rocks, inspected sunken ships rotting on the bottom of the sea, but still: He was nowhere to be seen, not even hiding in a shell.

On full moon nights, she always sat on the same rock and told the moon about her wishes while she was humming a song about dancing. And there she might still sit every full moon night and on other lonely nights too, waiting for happiness without an end. Because what is happiness worth if it has an end?

Jewellery
Swarovski

Pictures: Betty Heart
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What makes a girl a harlequin? Is it that glance of sadness mixed with madness and intelligence in her eyes? Or rather that feeling that no matter what she does, she could stand up every moment, walk out of the room and join the circus?

A harlequin is always a colourful thing, it can be funny, yes, but there lies sadness hidden beneath thick layers of make-up and diamond-patterns. It’s a complex figure just like anybody else, far from black and white, good or evil, but a mix of many things. It is fascinating and good at catching attention, but have you ever heard of a harlequin being loved as a girl?

The audience doesn’t want to see behind the mask of the harlequin; they just want to enjoy it as an oddity, keeping up the illusion of neverending fun. This is what brings the sadness into the eyes of the harlequin girl: The knowledge that she is loved for her sparkling behaviour, but at the same time, it’s what keeps her apart from other people. Nobody imagines to wake up next to a harlequin or make pancakes for her. Everybody wants to see her show, watch her being silly and rattle the tiny belly on her hat.

Maybe there is a sweet girl behind the mask, but they don’t even wonder. They are looking for fun, not for something real and the tragedy is therefor they don’t even see the full picture. They might even complain that the show was artificial. But that is the thing: A girl is a harlequin when you want to see a harlequin and becomes a girl when you approach her being real. So make your choice (and please pancakes for me…)!

My Outfit
Clothing & Hat: Jacqueline Loekito, Shoes: Buffalo, Glasses: ISLYNYC, Bag: Gucci,
Earrings: Swarovski, Bangle: Love at the Bus Stop, Socks: Lazy Oaf

Sometimes I ask myself, why I didn’t see indicators that something needed to be questioned or otherwise validated earlier. Seeing red flags while looking back is usually easy but the damage has been long done. “Where did the butterflies in my stomach go?” I want to ask and demand from whatever took them to bring them back and let me continue the beautiful dream I was dreaming.

I’ve been in this situation now and then, just like most of us. I’ve asked myself again and again how things could have gone so wrong. How could something that started as beautiful and promising end up just leaving a trail of damage and hurt? How could I have been blind for the signs when they suddenly seem to have been oh-so-obvious?

I believe in the good in people, and therefore when I meet somebody new, I assume that every person has good intentions. I’m curious to see how the worlds of others are unlike mine and how they approach and solve things; every person comes with new possibilities. If I don’t understand certain things in their behaviour, it takes a lot until I start to question if there is something wrong.

This makes me very bad in spotting red flags, and it doesn’t make sense: Why do I trust strangers more than my gut feelings? Especially after making several experiences when overlooking and overcompensating caused quite some tears, heartbreak and hurt.

Red flags have a lot of manifestations, and your definition of a red flag might differ from mine. Usually, they are something that indicates a lack of respect, interest or integrity. It often starts with somebody doing something small that seems not ok, but it is easy to be ignored and pass off as a quirk. But when they pile up and become more or even escalate into something worse, you notice it was much more than just that.

So this is a reminder for everybody that could need it, including me: Keep your eyes open wherever you are, even if you’re living in a butterfly house! It’s beautiful to believe in good, but don’t forget to be cautious. Dreams will last longer if you dream with care!

My Outfit
Top: Jaded London, Trousers: Calzedonia, Jacket: Moschino x H&M, Shoes: Bordello,
Sunglasses: Saint Laurent

Pictures: Philipp Mueller