Last week I talked to a very old friend after losing touch for a few years. It was a wonderful conversation, open, honest and deep right from the start. I told him that I feel like I am not the same person he knew and got slightly anxious. His answer was amazing: He said “Oh, I don’t expect you to. Actually, I would be concerned if you were”.

This sunk in deep. If I meet people I haven’t seen for a while, it makes me feel uneasy because I fear they might think that I have become something less. Less beautiful, less energetic, less sparkling, less whatever, just less. How can it be that somebody who embraces the change of the world and the possibilities of the new so much, somebody who works to change herself towards a better version of herself every day, be so afraid of change for the worse at the same time?

Yes, I might have become less at something than I was a few years ago. But if you look at the whole picture, I’m also a lot more since then. Maybe what I became less was no longer a priority, or my experiences carry me somewhere else?

I shouldn’t have to be ashamed of the wounds I carry and the tiredness I feel, even if you can see it in my eyes. It means that I came far and made it through a lot. Oh, you can’t imagine where I come from as I will never be capable of where you set foot on. A face is a face, but it often doesn’t give even a glimpse of its story. Yes, I did change, and I work on myself to change even more. I am busy putting ointment on old wounds, examine where they came from and trying to break emotionally unhealthy patterns.

Old friends might become new friends when we meet again. Besides: Do you ever know a person anyway, even yourself? Another friend who is married for 20 years told me that he thinks his marriage works because his wife is still a stranger to him in many ways. Maybe we are all strangers? Maybe what it is about is not to expect to know, trust in the unknown, and see identity as a more fluid matter. Change is happening; nobody is who they were when you last met.

My outfit:
Dress & Coat: Coster Copenhagen kindly gifted by Custom Made, , Sunglasses: Marc Jacobs,
Shoes: Irregular Choice, Necklace: Tatty Devine, Bag: Gucci

Pictures: Philipp Mueller

A smile doesn’t always mean that I am happy. It can just have the purpose to not make you worry or even hide sadness or disappointment. Just because I might be sad doesn’t mean I want you to feel the same. Feelings are contagious, so therefore I try to rather spread smiles than misery.

The time alone at home made me think a lot about where I am and what I want, especially when it comes to any kind of relationships from love to friendship and the ones I’ve chosen to be my family. And the result: I am very lucky to have the best friends I could have dreamed of, but love, oh love! Well, I think with my bad luck in love I should win the lottery to restore at least some kind of balance.

So my problem is: I don’t want to be an option, don’t want to be a choice, but priority. Is it asked too much to be on top of somebody list? I am so tired of feeling like the exotic animal in the zoo everybody likes to visit for entertainment and to get a glimpse into another world. Then they go back to their own like they’ve watched a movie. I hear the sentence “I never met somebody like you” all the time and wish it meant more than me feeding somebody’s curiosity.

I am tired of people coming very close for a moment, making me feel something and then walking away, without an explanation or at least an information. Tired of discovering I’ve been deleted from Facebook (this is so immature by the way) after only giving realness and kindness in very generous amounts.

What I can blame myself for is that I believe in people’s good intentions until they prove me otherwise. An attitude that still feels right in my heart, but that got it broken several times, always feeling like it might be beyond repair. I feel like I have to brace myself, look closer and detect harmful behaviour, narcissism, egoism and meanness right from the beginning. I don’t want to lose my trust in the good but give back myself wholeness; therefore, more carefulness might be required.

Growing older means having more dark and vulnerable spots. I’m not an empty sheet anymore, a lot of naiveness is gone, and there is damage, some just on the surface, some that go deeper. I feel like a cup that has been used a lot over the years. A pretty good cup that can make people smile and has its purpose, but not fresh from the manufacturer. It has already seen a lot of different flavours of tea, and some of them left their marks on the white porcelain. I still hope this cup will one day find a home that is full of love and not just a name on the door of a pretty place. If you already found yours, please take good care of it, because it is one of the most precious things you can ever have.

My Outfit
Coat, Skirt and Jumper: Coster Copenhagen, Shoes: Buffalo, Hat: Jacqueline Loekito,
Sunglasses: Anna Karin Karlsson bought at Götte Optik,
Bag: Grafea, Earrings: Swarovski (old)

Pictures: Marco Borromeo
This post contains sponsored products.

I feel hard,
fly hard and fall hard.

A rainbow is the full range of colours as much as my mind is the full range of emotions. My feelings are not flat, I am capable of intense emotions. They are what drives me as well as what leaves me paralyzed. When I’m happy the room gets bright when I’m sad it seems like the world is ending. Being an emphatic and emotional being is as much a gift as it is a curse. I feel hard, fly hard and fall hard.

Controlling your emotions and taking care of yourself sounds so easy in theory: Keep the good energy and get rid of the bad one. Stick to people who make you happy and keep away from the ones who put you down and make you cry. But of course, the reality isn’t as easy as those pictures with wise words some people post on their social media.

Recently, I often feel tired, suffer from a lack of motivation. It’s like somebody must have stolen my rainbow. In those moments I force myself to do things I like to charge my energy. I dress up in something that makes me feel pretty, cook good food, go for a walk and feel the sun on my skin, take a bath or dance. It doesn’t work well very often, I’m honest. I gave up counting the times when I put nicely arranged food untouched in the fridge and when I started to cry again just after finishing my makeup. Sometimes I just stare at my walls for hours or go back to bed. I tell myself it’s fine, that self-care sometimes means to allow yourself to fail, to stop pushing and allow yourself to be not your best you every now and then.

In those moments I wish, there was somebody next to me who would take my hand and give me a hug. Very often this doesn’t hapen and it can be really hard. You need to be happy on your own and be independent, people tell me. Yes of course, but it drives me crazy having so much to give and wanting so much to share. There are not many things that make me as low as loneliness and the inability to give.

I give a lot and see it as a precious gift. If I love somebody, they receive a lot of care and attention. I’d go to the end of the world for them. When they tell me they’re not well, I have my jacket in my hand before I end the call to go to them and support them. This is who I am and I don’t want to change, even if it has negative effects on myself sometimes: Some people misuse my attitude and steal my energy, leaving me to feel vulnerable and empty. Too often I forget to draw boundaries and continue to give, following the wrong hope that my giving will make other people happy and therefor me in the end.

Then I sit on my bathroom floor listening to sad songs, staring at the walls. In those moments I fail to understand why I have this big knot in my stomach that I can’t solve easily. The only faint hope at the sky is the stubborn thought that one day somebody might appear in my life who might appreciate my attitude. Please come fast, I need you…

My Outfit
Dress: CeliaB, Hat: Mama Tierra, Bag: Amorphose, Shoes: Zilian,
Bracelet: Moschino, Earrrings: Bijou Brigitte

Pictures: Nora Dal Cero
This post contains sponsored products.

Have a look around you and tell me what you see! Does your surrounding look like yourself? No? Why don’t you change that then and create a bigger you around you? Let me tell you about my discovery of pink and how I turned not just myself, but my world pink.

When I was a goth, I painted my walls black and cloaked myself from head to toe into dark colours. I loved the mysteriousness and aura of depth this darkness promised. Two twins, danger and fun, seemed to inhabit the darkness. Both as attractive as seductive.

Hidden in my heart I discovered a tiny pink dot, placed there by a little girl who dreamed of becoming a princess.

After diving into the dark for a while, I suddenly felt the need for colour. It was as if I discovered a tiny pink dot hidden in my heart, placed there by a little girl who dreamed of becoming a princess. As soon as I laid my eyes on this dot, it began to glow and spread. It was like a big wave of pink slowly spread from inside of me, until it filled my surroundings.

Day follows after night, summer after spring and pink after black. A circle. I don’t know what comes next if there is a next, but I know it’s right now. I might change myself again, it might be that this is what I was looking for all the time or that one day I decide to let my universe collide with somebody else’s and create something entirely new.

What I know is one thing: Right now, I stay pink as f***!

My Outfit
First Picture:
Coat: Vinti Andrews, Fascinator: Pearls & Swine, Shoes: Sophia Webster, Dress: CeliaB
Other Pictures:
Jumper: Jacqueline Loekito, Trousers: Calzedonia, Shoes: YRU, Bag: Moschino, Sunnies: ISLYNYC,
Hat: Lack of Color

Pictures: Philipp Mueller

Do you enjoy imaginary journeys to places far away while you are actually at home on your sofa? Does it calm you down to know that you could go right now, that you have everything you would need? It has this effect on me and this is why I own a whole drawer of swimsuits for the beach holiday I might eventually go to and the perfect suitcase for a pink Barbie dream journey. Just in case, you know…

Other people might start to plan the actual journey and worry about the equipment then, I do it the other way round and start with the shopping. Maybe, I’ll decide to stay home in the end. When it comes to this suitcase, I think you must understand me: I just had to have it, right? I mean look at it: It’s pink, it’s neon, transparent and it has Barbie logos all over it. It was love at first sight, just like made for me. When I saw it at the PR event I didn’t want to leave the room without it and already saw myself at all airports in the world with my cool Barbie luggage. You can imagine how happy I was when it was mine for real.

Now it’s standing in my office and I have a huge grin on my face whenever I see it. Where are we going my little pink one? I don’t know right now, but we will find an answer to that soon. Till then, we enjoy the imaginary trips that can bring us even further than London, New York or Tokyo: There we travel to the pink planet, have a rose cocktail with Barbie and jump into a pool (I can imagine you know what colour it has). How exciting and almost cooler than a real trip!

If you ask very nicely, I might send you a pink postcard.

My Outfit
Dress & Jacket: Christian Cowan x Asos, Shoes: Koi Footwear, Sunglasses: Le Specs,
Handbag: Jacqueline Loekito, Suitcase: Samsonite

Pictures: Marco Borromeo
This post contains sponsored products.

Hello earthlings, did you ever imagine that your beloved fairy tales might come from outer space? Did you sense that there is another Sara with long hair who might let it down and take you on her spaceship and tell you stories of galaxies far away? The only thing you have to do is to be brave enough to climb, Rapunzel is here!

I almost didn’t recognize myself when I looked into the mirror wearing this mass of bubblegum pink hair by Trinity Belle on my head. Yes, I felt alien, but in a very good way. Like I discovered another Sara from a parallel universe. Not a Sara I wanted to be every day, but at least for one day with joy. In the eve I could take off my hair and think about who I wanted to become the next day. The magic of wigs, a new world.

I just couldn’t resist the temptation to complete the look with this dress from Mukzin featuring a green monster from outer space, a floating space base and a frightened girl with a bob cut (do you see the link?). Whatever hair grows or lives on my head, I’ll never stop being nerdy!

People who saw me with my wig told me I look more approachable and softer than with my bob cut, so actually less alien. I think it was meant as a compliment, but sorry guys: I don’t have the intention to look like I’m everybody’s cup of tea. I’m fine with being an oddity in your space system. The right people will understand, appreciate and be just as odd as me so we can celebrate each other’s oddness.

It has been a long time since I cut my long blond wavy hair. So in a way, wearing this wig is like time travelling: An exciting tale in the life of Rapunzel from outer space! But beware: Sara’s bob will be back by tomorrow and you can be curious about what comes next!

My Outfit
Dress: Mukzin, Leggings: Calzedonia, Sunglasses: ISLYNC, Shoes: Koi Footwear,
Wig: Trinity Belle, Bangle: Vintage Versace from Love at the Bus Stop, Bag: A Gift,
Red Ring: Swarovski

Pictures: Marco Borromeo
This post contains sponsored products.