Just like Charlie, I found the Golden Ticket. I am the lucky one, I made it. Here is this moment everybody is longing for, where everything is dipped into gold.
Every morning I open my eyes and ask myself “Could it be my lucky day, could it be today?” and the Golden Ticket is a YES. Not just a yes, but a YES in capital letters. It’s the kind of moment when all your fears and troubles suddenly don’t feel frightening anymore and all you are is a body full of bliss.
Can it last forever? Oh, darling, I’m afraid it can’t. But it will come back and you will have more of those moments. Don’t be so greedy! Remember how you set your goals? Remember that you asked for one time wearing a dress like a queen, remember when you asked just for one kiss by the man of your dreams? Can you still recall how you wanted to be covered in glitter just once?
So there we go: Dreams come true, and not just once, but several times. The one-time-only turns into please-don’t-let-it-be-the-last-time and the carousel moves on. Every morning arises the question “Could it be my lucky day? Could it be the Golden Ticket?”.
Just relax, if it isn’t. maybe it’s tomorrow or next week. Just keep on going, keep on having that sweet anticipation tingling in your veins and keep on wishing. There is not just one Golden Ticket!
Oh, Cinderella, why do you feel so blue? What makes you want to lie down in your tower, sleep and dream of a better world?
Once upon a time, a girl had a lot and missed a lot. She waited in her tower for her prince (or princess) to storm into the room, kiss her and make her feel alive. But the one who was meant to rescue her didn’t, and she cried a lot behind her heart-shaped glasses. She looked at the sky and asked the stars for guidance. They glittered so so pretty but stayed silent.
It was a hard way with a lot of sleepless nights, but eventually, she learned that her happiness couldn’t depend on a mysterious prince. All she needed for a rescue, she already had in herself. She was bold, and she was bright. She was alpha, beta or omega, whatever she imagined. The world didn’t know because she possessed a smooth power, not the roaring aggressive kind. But it was not burning less bright, don’t you be mistaken.
So she gave up the wait and discovered the world and its wonders. She still cried, but she learned to laugh more too.
Finding the person to spend your life with can be easy or almost impossible, and we can’t choose. Some of us meet the love of life at school and stay together forever. Others have to date a whole village until Amor shows sympathy, and some give up on love. It’s an adventure. So let me tell you a few things about adult love I’ve learned.
I was not lucky enough to make my school love last, and I always refused to date the whole village. Tinder and similar apps always seemed a nightmare since how can you feel the chemistry in a picture? Finding somebody in the real world seemed like a hopeless task: Where do you even start to look? Shall you hang around the supermarket for days, move into a museum or ask all your friends to introduce you to their friends and create something like a snowball system? On top, there is this widely spread belief that when you are determined to fall in love, the possibility that it happens is almost zero. Amor likes mischief, apparently: He plays hide and seek and strikes when your mind and eyes are elsewhere.
Therefore my strategy was to be creative, go out and keep to myself without looking for something. I felt like I was not particularly eager to settle for somebody who didn’t blow me away and turn my world upside down. And I am not that easy to impress, I tell you.
But the miracle happened, and somebody managed the almost impossible: Love! Oh, wait, with the clapping: Even in my newborn euphoria, I discovered that a happy end is not the first kiss but just the beginning of the story. Adult love level two begins.
As a teenager, it was so easy: Oh, I love his eyes, I want to hold his hand, ok, this is great. Do you remember? It’s nothing like that for adults. Everybody (including me) seems to have a massive list of requirements and no-gos in their head. The life structure has been settled for years, and a potential love has to cope with it. As teenagers, we just lived, and nobody knew about life anyway. The beginning of adult love is not the smooth process it was as a teenager. I must have forgotten that for a while, and maybe some of you too. There are a thousand things you have to cope with initially, and it’s far more complex than it used to be. Everybody brings their traumas, broken marriages, children from past lovers, habits that are rusty and packed schedules.
Sometimes there is a lot of frustration: I experienced moments with two people in a room who desperately tried to love each other and ended up in a bitter war with heavy weapons. Yes, me too, so guilty. The temptation to give up sneaks in. That ugly voice whispers in your head when the lights are out. Maybe this is not enough. Perhaps we are too different. Perhaps we can’t talk.
But another thing I learned: It’s worth not giving up, worth still believing in love and embracing the new world a new person brings into your life. Oh my, the surprise might be so sweet, and you might be baffled by how good it can feel to make it. Let’s try to be brave, patient, open-minded and spread love.
My outfit: Blouse: Coster Copenhagen via Custommade Modeagentur, Leggings: Vintage, Shoes: Alexander McQueen Vintage, Earrings: Tukadu, Swimsuit: Calzedonia, Handbag: Jolie Laide
The Minuki Plush is designed by Taina and can be bought at Unuh
Pictures: Daniela Bologna Produced with the help of Greta Schoop
First, there is a yellow sunset with a pink dream on the horizon. Then a black dot appears, just a tiny little spot. But oh my: It grows, and what was one becomes two, then several, then many. Darkness grabs my heart, flows through my veins. Greedily I suck on it because I know this poison so very well.
Sometimes I wonder how one does attract happiness when so much is rotten with a deceiving sugarcoat on top. Why does yellow not stay yellow? Why is pink often not pure? Dots, and dots, I have enough of them. I like my apples without wormholes and my heart without aching pain. But in reality, I don’t eat apples at all, and I don’t know my heart to be beating without lingering pain, always on the edge of being broken.
I drink the poison, this well-known friend, but I crave for healthy, for real. That is just love, for happiness that comes without a sea of tears for every smile. Not the life of a fighter, but the life of a happy, careless girl. Do you think that kind of life exists? Or maybe just for some people and probably not for you or me?
Don’t take me wrong: You might think I complain why all looks so pretty here. But you never know what’s happening behind the scenes as I don’t know what’s happening behind your scenes. All I know: I long for happiness, for the disappearance of dots, and I wish you the same and keep my fingers crossed for both of us. And for a world without black dots.
After a long early morning drive, the car approached the water, the slightly rose-tinted saline lake was straight ahead and the horizon was wide and illuminated. Something remarkable for one girl was about to happen.
And there it was: In the water. Standing on thin legs, like laughing at gravity. Flamingo, oh my favourite animal. My eyes went big and circled, discovering more of the birds. Real flamingos, wild and free. Seen by me for the very first time ever. For them it was a completely normal day, they were eating, flying and just hanging around. But for me, this tender moment was something I would carry in my heart as a precious thing.
Little things are sometimes the biggest things. Yes, I know there are a lot of bad things happening in the world, horrible things. I am not a politics or news portal, so I don’t write about them. This doesn’t mean my eyes are closed. If you are close to me, you might see a worried look on my face late at night, or sadness defeating my smile, but then I fight back for a piece of happiness and joyfulness.
I see this page as a tiny, tiny island. An island of beauty, fashion and inspiration, often very happy, sometimes full of melancholy. This is what I always did and I guess this is what you come here for. I hope I am your break from the tough news when I try to make you think about flamingos just for a second, It’s not much you might say. But it’s better than nothing and if everybody would offer something beautiful, the world would indeed be a more beautiful place.
So take care, spread colours and dream of flamingos, whenever you can!
Dress: Khamals, Belt: Moschino, Bag: Jolie Laide, Shoes: Pandemonia x Camper, Jacket: United Colors of Benetton Earrings: Tukadu, Sunglasses: Simone Rocha x HM, Tights: Fogal
I dance with architecture, become part of a building and create a sculpture with my body and the concrete. This is what you see, but reality, things are not what they seem.
In reality, I am in quarantine, longing for the outside every minute I’m awake. It’s an entirely different thing to decide to stay in bed for a day from not being able to leave your house at all. The thought of the world ending at my doorstep lays heavy on my shoulders and darkens my mind. Ok, I’m too tired to walk from my bed to the living room most of the time, but anyway.
I catch myself several times a day thinking, “Oh, I could go there”, and then I realise again that I can’t. It’s silly since, a few days of living in a beautiful home should be manageable, right? Especially, after all the experience with isolation in the last years. But then the walls seem to come closer and closer again. I miss a hug, the feeling of sunlight on my skin. I wonder if my friends are still more than voices and moving pictures appearing on a tiny screen every now and then. I ask those little faces to tell me about the world out there with greedy anticipation.
Then I fall asleep again, too tired to be a part of the world. I wake up, and my mind asks my body, “Are you fine again?”, “No, not yet? Ok, no problem, take your time”. Next, I attempt to watch a documentary about racism in coding or about art forgery or creativity, and I fall asleep again. My days and nights fade into each other, the world is all blurry.
A few more days, just a few more days. I sneeze my nose, get rid of the messy hair in my face and feel my least glamorous me. It’s ok. It’s ok. I’m healing. Thank you, body, for being strong. Covid, it took you long to get me, now you won, but I will be laughing after you’re gone.
Individuality, oh what a sweet illusion! We all dream and forget that what we define as individualism is far less about ourselves than a relationship between ourselves and the world.
Sometimes I find it bizarre how much effort we spend on making ourselves stand out, being different from the rest. Aren’t we in the end just as extraordinary as a tree or a cloud, and isn’t everybody of us the same amount of individual? Why is it so important to be seen as individuals separate from one another in our society? Individualism fills us with passion and importance and is a vital energy that drives us, but why?
I grew up in a very rural village. Since I was little, I was told that I was different. So what happened? I started to go further and further in living my life in a way unlike the people of the village. I talked in different words, had my hair cut and dyed in a way they wouldn’t, took a profession that didn’t exist in their world.
This is what I mean with individuality being a relationship between the self and the others. I made myself the way that I am as much as the world made me, especially the people who were around me from the start of my story. I got told that I was different from them, so I gave my best to become different.
But still: Even if there might nobody be in my city with pink hair, my mix of art and fashion and cultural influences, that doesn’t mean that I am the only one. If you’d browse the world, you’d find quite a few doppelgängers, I bet. Do I care? No! The opposite: I’d love to meet them and hug all the copies of this model in pink and encourage them to continue on their attempt to reach the goal of individualism, even if it doesn’t exist.
Red, is the Surface of Mars, just like my gown Foreign is my anatomy, no human heart sits in my chest Stolen is what was beating, so I chose to live with a plastic heart
The beating lump of flesh was sold for a cheap currency Strange earthlings don’t believe in true worth Egos are bigger than long shadows when the sun is low Blood dripped to the floor and coloured my skin
On Mars, love is air, love is fire, water, and life People on earth run after things but lost their true meaning Love comes cheaply here as a fake and words as horrendous noise I cried aloud in the dark and was not heard
Planets share the same language but an entirely different meaning Eath talk is stripped and robbed of promises On Mars meaning is pearls, here words are just empty shells My eyes turned to ice and my soul got lost in the freezing snow
Fellow aliens. before you board your spaceships full of hope, be warned this planet, as green and peaceful it looks, as cruel it is Leave your heart at home and keep it safe plastic will keep you alive it’s the only currency known
Welcome to a New Year, a new chapter! Does everything continue like before or do you feel the change tingling on your skin? I certainly do and I think this might inspire you too, so meet the new me! She is strong and refuses to be played with.
2021 was challenging, I hit the ground in every aspect of my life and learned a lot about my limits. But as well about my abilities: Hard lessons taught me that I am capable of much more than I thought, forced me to grow, to open my mind, and increase my creativity.
I went through a rigorous cleansing of my inner garden: Destroyed beliefs that were rooted there that I no longer share, got rid of a lot of toxic things in and around me, put up my walls tighter against harming behavior, and learned to trust myself and my net more than ever. I discovered that I do have a family. People I can trust and who would go to Mars for me just like I would for them. Without sharing blood, but out of the pure free will.
Most of all, I came to peace with my independence. I realized that I don’t need saving because I am in charge and capable of finding solutions for every problem that appears on the horizon. I learned to embrace that I am not a conventional woman and that this is ok – no: an exciting gift. Just because some people would call me insulting names doesn’t mean that I am wrong. I don’t live that arranged life of theirs, but I do live mine and I do that to the hilt. It’s a life bursting with impressions, inspirations, and experience. No same-same day after day!
There is insecurity, but as well so much laughter, fun, excitement, tears, drama, closeness, and most of all: Love. I don’t know if things will stay what they are, but who does? And I decided that I am not a pinball. 2022 will be the year of no games, we play with creativity here, but not with feelings, honesty, and our souls! I might look like a doll, but if you want to be a part of my universe, you have to be respectful, loving, and caring. Everything else is not welcome here anymore. So let’s start!
Not Last Christmas, but this is the last giveaway of this year and it smells so so good: Because I am in a generous mood, not one, but two people can win each a bottle of First Snow Eau de Toilette by Victorinox.
First Snow is a tender fragrance for her, inspired by the feeling of the first drops of snow on the skin. It captures the beauty of Switzerland dipped in white and a warm cup of tea in the hands. A moment full of harmony, beauty, and excitement.
Fresh and warm at the same time, a perfume that promises harmony and tranquillity. Just like tender, powdery snow or a cozy cashmere blanket.
The notes
Top: White Tea & Eucalyptus Heart: Vanilla & Orange Blossom Base: White Moschus & Tonka
How to win: Leave a comment on this post. Please include your mail so I can contact you if you won. The two winners will receive the product mentioned above.
You have an extra chance to win if you enter on my Instagram too. Good luck!
The giveaway will end on the 1st of January 2022. It is open for international entries.
