What makes a girl a harlequin? Is it that glance of sadness mixed with madness and intelligence in her eyes? Or rather that feeling that no matter what she does, she could stand up every moment, walk out of the room and join the circus?

A harlequin is always a colourful thing, it can be funny, yes, but there lies sadness hidden beneath thick layers of make-up and diamond-patterns. It’s a complex figure just like anybody else, far from black and white, good or evil, but a mix of many things. It is fascinating and good at catching attention, but have you ever heard of a harlequin being loved as a girl?

The audience doesn’t want to see behind the mask of the harlequin; they just want to enjoy it as an oddity, keeping up the illusion of neverending fun. This is what brings the sadness into the eyes of the harlequin girl: The knowledge that she is loved for her sparkling behaviour, but at the same time, it’s what keeps her apart from other people. Nobody imagines to wake up next to a harlequin or make pancakes for her. Everybody wants to see her show, watch her being silly and rattle the tiny belly on her hat.

Maybe there is a sweet girl behind the mask, but they don’t even wonder. They are looking for fun, not for something real and the tragedy is therefor they don’t even see the full picture. They might even complain that the show was artificial. But that is the thing: A girl is a harlequin when you want to see a harlequin and becomes a girl when you approach her being real. So make your choice (and please pancakes for me…)!

My Outfit
Clothing & Hat: Jacqueline Loekito, Shoes: Buffalo, Glasses: ISLYNYC, Bag: Gucci,
Earrings: Swarovski, Bangle: Love at the Bus Stop, Socks: Lazy Oaf

Sometimes I ask myself, why I didn’t see indicators that something needed to be questioned or otherwise validated earlier. Seeing red flags while looking back is usually easy but the damage has been long done. “Where did the butterflies in my stomach go?” I want to ask and demand from whatever took them to bring them back and let me continue the beautiful dream I was dreaming.

I’ve been in this situation now and then, just like most of us. I’ve asked myself again and again how things could have gone so wrong. How could something that started as beautiful and promising end up just leaving a trail of damage and hurt? How could I have been blind for the signs when they suddenly seem to have been oh-so-obvious?

I believe in the good in people, and therefore when I meet somebody new, I assume that every person has good intentions. I’m curious to see how the worlds of others are unlike mine and how they approach and solve things; every person comes with new possibilities. If I don’t understand certain things in their behaviour, it takes a lot until I start to question if there is something wrong.

This makes me very bad in spotting red flags, and it doesn’t make sense: Why do I trust strangers more than my gut feelings? Especially after making several experiences when overlooking and overcompensating caused quite some tears, heartbreak and hurt.

Red flags have a lot of manifestations, and your definition of a red flag might differ from mine. Usually, they are something that indicates a lack of respect, interest or integrity. It often starts with somebody doing something small that seems not ok, but it is easy to be ignored and pass off as a quirk. But when they pile up and become more or even escalate into something worse, you notice it was much more than just that.

So this is a reminder for everybody that could need it, including me: Keep your eyes open wherever you are, even if you’re living in a butterfly house! It’s beautiful to believe in good, but don’t forget to be cautious. Dreams will last longer if you dream with care!

My Outfit
Top: Jaded London, Trousers: Calzedonia, Jacket: Moschino x H&M, Shoes: Bordello,
Sunglasses: Saint Laurent

Pictures: Philipp Mueller

Dear bullies from school who stole my stuff, dear teacher who told me I’d never become something, dear lover who left me believing I was not good enough, dear parents who I couldn’t make as proud as I’d wished to: Can you see me now?

Life is about growth. With every step we take, every book we read and especially every lesson we learn, we grow. Growth comes from setting goals, from the determination to make it to a better place, from support and as well from the will to overcome bad experiences.

What made me grow the most was rejection. Oh, I experienced a lot of it over the years: So many times people whose opinion mattered to me didn’t give me the place I wanted to have in their life, not the attention or affection I craved for. I got underestimated a lot too. If I know one thing: There is much more of this to come where I’m heading, and it’s ok, because there are a lot of lessons still to be learned.

Besides the occasional tears, broken wishes and dreams, there is something positive about this too: Whenever somebody – no matter if friends, family or lovers – gives me the feeling that I am not enough or not right, I get into a rebellious mood. The strong will to prove the people who rejected me wrong awakes and drives me like a powerful energy boost. I try to fill the shadows in my world with creativity.

I want the people who rejected me to see me laugh, smile at them from magazines and show them that I am doing fine. They could cast me out of their lives but never replace. Do you see me now? I want to ask, leaving a trail of glitter behind while I ride on my pink swan. I refuse to give up; I refuse to be put down.

Does it ever bring those people back? You might ask now. Honestly? No, it doesn’t, but it might get me to a better place where I discover new fulfilment, and they fade from my mind. Therefore: Let’s smile when we’re hurt, let’s be rebels and grow and sprawl like the most stubborn plant in the universe.

My Outfit
Cardigan & Top: Lazy Oaf, Skirt: Vintage, Boots: Dolls Kill,
Mini Bag: Julian Ziegerli, Sunglasses: Le Specs, Earrings: Swarovski

Pictures: Marco Borromeo